Things got a little weird after "psych night." We went on our first date that weekend which included dinner at Olive Garden and a movie (definition of MOVIE: a good excuse for boys to hold hands and cuddle up next to a girl if he's interested in her). Needless to say, Trevor was interested and I just wasn't. The bad thing was that I had no idea what to say to him. He kept asking me out and while I did enjoy the time we spent with each other, I just couldn't see myself dating him in the end.
After a couple weeks of hanging out and going out on group dates here and there, I found myself really comfortable with Trevor. I considered him a really really good friend and I was becoming attached to him and the time we spent together. But for me, the time spent with him meant something totally different than it did for him. He saw it as a sign that I was interested in dating him exclusively, maybe even seriously-- not at all what I saw it as. And all the while I stewed over how I would break it to him that I just wasn't interested in dating him.
One night, I had a lot of studying to do for my physiology class. He picked me up and we drove up to the golf course and sat on the green where he quizzed me and helped me study for a little while. After we got through some of my material we decided to go for a walk around the course.
PAUSE!
Have you ever had that feeling when you just KNOW something is going to happen, but you really don't want it to because you have no idea how you should react? Yeah... I knew Trevor was going to want to kiss me for the first time. Great right?? Wrong! That was probably the last thing I wanted that night.
Not three minutes in to our walk, Trevor turned to me and said: (disclaimer: Trevor was cheesy to the extreme in the beginning!! Bahaha he hates when I remind him of this story because he can't believe he said this) "Angie, my lip hurts, will you kiss it better?" After laughing my guts out I turned to him and said "Did you really just say that?? And no, I won't 'kiss your lip better'!" Ahahaha I was a jerk. But really??! I am NOT a pick-up-line kind of girl! Anyways, he asked me why and I think I said something along the lines of how I don't ever want to lose the meaning behind a kiss and that if I can save kissing for people I really know that I want to kiss, then it will make it that much more special with the person that I eventually marry. Hahahaha yeeeeeaaaah... in my defense I saw NO prospects of marrying him at that point.
He was disappointed and I knew it. That's when he got serious and started asking me why I just wouldn't give him a chance. And to be quite honest, I had no idea what to say in response to that. Why couldn't I just give him a chance? Why couldn't I just try dating him instead of completely shooting the idea down before I knew where it would take us? So we sat on the green and talked as we looked at the stars-- meanwhile I kept thinking to myself, just do it! Just kiss him, give him the chance that he deserves because he had definitely put himself in a vulnerable place with me. So I did.
Trevor and I had our very first kiss on the golf course green under a million stars on a gorgeous fall night. But something was missing. I guess I just didn't feel the "fireworks" that are supposed to go along with a first kiss and that scared me a little. Trever looked me right in the eyes after, smiled, and said: "Anything??"
My response? I looked down and shook my head, "No."
Why he stuck with me after this point is beyond me! He was happy that I gave him a chance so he was still in a good mood when we left the golf course to go home, but I sure wasn't. I knew I didn't want to date him and yet I totally led him on and now I had no idea what to say to him. So about a block before my house, I told him to pull over because I had a question for him that I didn't think he was going to like. He pulled over and I said, "Trevor, can we just be friends?" I still can't BELIEVE I pulled the "just friends" line. And ooohhoooo was he upset! He told me that things were going to change, that he wouldn't be able to spend as much time with me and that he really had to move on. He would try being friends, but it just wasn't going to be the same. Justified. I think he totally deserved his space and time, BUT I had slowly become attached to him the more time we spent with each other. Little did I know how hard it would be to try to distance myself from what I had grown so comfortable with.
...TO BE CONTINUED...
